so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize