new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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