im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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