WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
