I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
