Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
