Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
