cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
