she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
