Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
