capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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