Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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