Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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