If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
