how hairy? two words: wookie tits
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vagina is very pro this idea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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