i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
