WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
