My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
