Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
