Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
