my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
