Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
