I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
