You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
