M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
