I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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