My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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