if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
