I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
