Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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