I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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