I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
