My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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