I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize