His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
