Don't you send me to vm
I wanna bring you to show and tell
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
