I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
