After last night, I could never be a politician.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
