dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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