I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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