You really coming over, don't trick.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
