before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
