I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
