We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
