imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
