all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
