i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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