the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize