I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
