is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
