guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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