He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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