I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
