I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
