I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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