Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
