Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize