i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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