I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
