Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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