I just saw a hot homeless man
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
