that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
