I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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