He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
