i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
