so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
