I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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