Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
